My name is Rose Moreland. This is my story, and my reason to live.
I’m the 2nd eldest of 7 (5 brothers and 1 sister). We lost our Mum in 2001 to cancer, and life has been different ever since then. She was an amazing woman, and I miss her so much! I’ve always been the go to person; the girl who would cook, clean, work, volunteer, play sports, drink and have fun. When I was 18, I met my daughters father.
Fast forward to 2016, I decided to separate from him. We have three amazing girls together and it’s something that I will never regret - they are, and will always be the best thing that came out of that relationship. Finding the courage to leave him was hard; but when I did, so much weight was lifted off my shoulders! It’s something that I don’t regret doing.
The days that followed were hard because I lost the three most important people in my life; my girls. They are my absolute purpose in life. I missed the hugs in the morning, the hugs before bed, the lil moments of joy, the smiles on their faces. When you realise that's not there anymore, you feel like leaving this earth. One day I tried. I tried to end my life on the 17th March 2019. I felt like everyone was against me, and I hated it. Thankfully, the rope broke (for me, that was my wake up call). I knew I needed to be a better Mum. I needed to be a better version of myself.
The days following were hard, I had panic attacks. I felt the suicidal thoughts coming back again, I tried so hard to reach out to people who I thought could help me. Things that I am passionate about, I lost interest in; baking, sports and turned many opportunities down. In the end, I had to help myself - and I did!
I took steps and worked towards things that could help me get better. I booked myself into counselling, I started doing the things I loved, like hanging out with my friends again, and not giving a shit about the bad stuff. Accepting and leaving all of the things that made me depressed in the past helped. My relationship with my girls has improved immensely, and I have a wonderful man in my life who I love dearly. I have amazing friends who have been my guidance and support through the darkest.
I’ve let go of the past, and I will continue to be fearless in the days ahead. I am a strong wāhine who has a lot more love to give for those who choose to be in my life. So grab life, and live each day with no regrets. Be spontaneous and do something amazing for you, and yourself...
Because you matter xo
Blog written by: Rose
The #IAMFEARLESS campaign was run by Studio81 as a way to encourage women from all walks of life to kickstart, inspire, and/or motivate any upcoming goals they had, to share a part of their life's journey, and to impart any wisdoms learned along the way.